Lyrics

I don’t wanna live no more
Sometimes I hear death knocking at my front door
I’m living everyday like a hustle another drug to juggle
Another day another struggle

Last night I cried tears of pain
In fear of when I meet Allah he won't know my name
Giving in to temptations can you hear my shame
But I stand as a man so I take that blame
And when the time come for me to taste that flame
I know I earned every scar so I can't complain
I'm a better man than most and I know that
But sometimes it get hard for me to show that
I get a little bit of bread then I blow that
And when I need it I be wishing for my dough back
Three kids mailbox full of due bills
Got me staring at a bottle full of blue pills
I can't go yet my lil ones need a dad
But tell the coroner reserve me black bag
Freezer with my name on it and a toe tag
Or label me as John Doe I'm talking no tag
I seen my brother Bank cry for the first time
The same day I met his mom for the first time
His ex girl broke his heart so she broke mine
I couldn't even put her name in this whole rhyme
Too much on my own plate to carry some more weight
And ain’t nobody calling to check if the bull straight.
Funny how I give advice to somebody else
To realize that I don’t speak enough about myself.
Like how I got a disorder that I don’t medicate
Manic depression bipolar but that’s another case
I never told nobody when I was evaluated
Cause it ain’t nobody business and this what God created
Sometimes I wanna drink and smoke but I don’t
Sometimes I want to try cocaine but I won’t
Sometimes I’m so full of myself I seem arrogant
Sometimes my esteem so low it need air in it
Sometimes I wanna be with the crowd and get violent
Sometimes I like being alone and staying silent
Somedays I wake up and just wanna be mean
Some days I don’t shower I don’t wanna be clean
Somedays I disappear and I don’t wanna be bothered
Some days I just miss my father

I been married three times to two different woman
First was love the second time it was just redemption
Third time was a prayer that I asked for
All three ended with in divorce that they asked for
I ain’t into keeping things that don’t want to be kept
I realized I got flaws that y’all couldn’t accept
Y’all both said that I do what I wanna do
In my mind I only did what I have to
I ain’t perfect yea I know I had some shit with me
But neither one of y’all would hesitate to get with me.

First wife was unappreciative I knew that how she react to lil shit I did
Like not finishing school and taking on her kids
Beefing with they real daddy while homie did his bid.
Second wife she was insecure
She wasn’t built polygamy this was from the door
Seem to me like she ain’t get over her last nigga
We in the future she kept bringing the past with her
We all think the grass greener on the other side
But the handicap is not being able to see it
I put my all into this thing until I felt defeated
But I’m a man so it’s needed that I feel needed.

But it's like the more you try doing right
You just gone end up doing wrong
The more that these bitches love you
The more you gone be alone.
I disregard the advice and I end up being wrong
You tell me you ain't the one and then you end up in song.
Who would've known... eventually your cover would've blown
I should've payed attention cause you said it all along.
But carry on no luggage I just got my carry on
Out here pulling from deep just getting my curry on (Splash)
Sad truth I probably remarry none of y’all
Even tho we got a son involved it’s a lot of issues going unresolved
But I still love one of y’all

Tell Zoomy I'm sorry for the lies I told
Tell Zoomy I'm sorry for this pride I hold
Tell Zoomy I'm sorry for the secrets that was foolish
Apology to myself for putting myself threw this
I'm fucked right now don't ask why y'all
Sometimes the best medicine is just to cry y'all

I remember telling Brandy I will never tell a lie
Looking in the mirror tryna see a different guy
Get it burnt in my flesh that's something to live by
It's 2018 this shit was in 09

I don’t trust nobody with my shit
But everybody confide in me
All the bitches be on my dick
But none of em gone ride with me
I’m talking down ten toes taking my bullshit
Throw it out the window and carry some of your own shit

Accepting everything that’s wrong with me and just handle it
Never try to change my ways or dismantle it
See my kindness as a strength not for advantages
Show me how want me to love you without demanding it
Fuck me good and get the order right to my sandwiches
You can’t lower your standards when you don’t know what the standard is


Where do you start when you know it ain't a finish line?
Learning lessons second guessing how you spending time
Never slipping never lunching when it's dinner time
Wrong emotions, right feelings they be intertwined
A veteran at the beginning of beginner lines
Thats preparation for beginning of the sniffing lines

Snap back to reality can't take that route,
Too many people follow me too many people proud of me
They keep me up how could I let em down?
I tell my son that every king ain't gotta wear a crown
Tell my daughter that a queen is more than a gown
So pay attention every scream is more than a sound. Again!
Still out of luck and suicidal you don't see it though
Still keep a smile on my face like its for me to know
But bottom line is Imma make it through this situation
I want to thank you all for listening to my ventilation